OMg patrick swayze is the sexuest man he is killing me I'm gonna get dehydrated if I don't stop looking at him
I have a new drinking limit. I'll stop when I know I'm going to untag the picture that was just taken of me.
I'm in the laundromat a drunk armenian guy keeps trying to help me fold my laundry. Ah i'm going to miss queens.
Anytime you have a hot, flirty, married woman that wants to ride you like a horse and slap your ass, you've got to do it.
Yeah, but four times?
nothing like walking down the street with a garbage bag of puke trying to find a dumpster
Wine floats aren't as good of an idea as they seem
nah we got kicked outta the bar after the bouncer saw us putting straws up Chelsea's nose to make her look like a walrus after she fell asleep at the table
You know how girls with huge tits have back problems? Do you get knee problems or something?
I went limp when I heard her mom fart from her parents bedroom. It lasted longer than my hard on.
When we were all out of beer you took a bite out of the cardboard beer box and said "close enough."
It's not a walk of shame if you run
just blew him in the library. I am a classy dame
They tricked me into going into that room by saying we'd smoke a bowl and then they all proceeded to have an intervention with me about my love life.
sometimes i like to lay one the floor and pretend im a carrot.
Let's get this straight. I am six fucking feet tall. Do you even understand how limited my options in guys to date are? No. Did you see my last three boyfriends? I looked like a fucking giant next to them. So I will fuck this six-foot-seven Italian model even if I am the ugliest girl at this party because, goddammit, I deserve to.
Randomize
