The line was so long at Kum n Go some guy opened & drank 2 beers from his 12 pack while waiting.
A female Wisconsin fan just headbutted the bouncer. Im deeply terrified and oddly aroused at the same time.
Someday soon you'll wake up next to a bottle of jameson and a half eaten lean cuisine and then you'll be just like me.
Oh no it's bring yor chld to work day...I'm too drunk for this
then she said she was half-a-virgin and that she would appreciate it if i would finish what her old booty call started
I just bought the ATT family protection plan so that I could block all of my old bar hookups from booty calling me...
I woke up in a sink... Not like curled up on top of it though. I was standing, bent over, face first. IN THE DAMN SINK.
Just got 20% off at the liquor store. How you ask? I asked if there was an "I got divorced today" discount.
At what part of the night did you guys leave?
After my hot tub cannonball.
Guess who just hooked up with a guy who was wearing a shirt from his mom's "dress up closet"?!
Not bad. Ran into Carlo. He shared a story about a sailor who got gonorrhea in his eye. It made me feel better about myself.
Chili is not acceptable fuck buddy food.
She said I can't embarrass her, the challenge has been set
Party bus got out of hand. Some guy pissed himself. Later, he couldn't find his house keys, so he kicked the back door in.
Today will be the day I throw up in my backpack in the middle of class
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