4:12a: just got back to his place now. I don't want to talk about it
his internet history is a lot of porn, how to make a hovercraft and side-effects of jacking off too much
No, I'm never going to get a job bc I don't know anything about public relations except that Chris Crocker wants everyone to leave Britney alone.
Blow job in a bar bathroom for my Thing 1 while in a onezie dressed up as Thing 2. Best Halloween ever.
I bet the Cat in the Hat never caused mischief like that.
Sudue. BIG CUP LOTS OF NOMNOMD TUOSPY
This is going to be the summer remembered forever as the giant 3 month long mushroom trip.
tell me there's a reason my bed smells like paint thinner
She told me I made the cut, and to write my name and number on the white board by the door. I was the 7th number down.
I had sex with a Dutch boy on a rock last night. Happy graduation! x x
7:26 bus just came. I am sweatier than Louie Anderson eating chili in a sauna
ok, i suppose pissing your pants could be considered a wardrobe malfunction.
And that kids is the last time I ever try to outdrink Germans
And I mean really who loses their phone in a tree
how do you politely tell someone their toddler looks alarmingly similar to the berries and cream guy
Omfg 7 hour sex session who am I?
PS: I think I'm in love
Ability to walk tomorrow tbd
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