bahahaha. this guy working at subway literally has someone's name tattooed on his arm, crossed out, and another name below it.
I know you didn't add your TWO random hook ups from the weekend to your FB friends AND change your status to "Good Catholic Girl" on the same day.
He booked his flight from Dallas already, no ticket to the game, said hes gonna bang some girl at tailgait to get a ticket, I had to explain that it will be sub 20 degrees F during tailgate, he decided to come in july instead, Texans are dumb.
I can't believe you just became a stipulation in their divorce papers.
i have a feeling i am the only one who can successfully pull off the "slutty kentucky derby" look.
I don't even know man. I was to busy having beer showered on me and grabbing some balls
So...guess who had sex tied to the ladder of a caboose under the stars in Joshua Tree? This bitch
Also CANADIAN LIPS TASTE OF MAPLE SYRUP AND APOLOGIES. SORRY.
my brother has friends over and I can hear one of them screaming from the basement "BREATHE. FILL YOUR LUNGS. LIVE YOUR LIFE." and it sounds like he's doing some motivational speaking down there but that's actually just how he encourages ppl to take bong hits
LOL he's a hopeless romantic now? 🤔 I'd say giving him a bj in a freakin softball dugout isn't the most romantic thing but it still happened
Self care is breaking into nasa and launching yourself directly into the fucking void
So we'll go out later for condoms and cake batter... aka grocery shopping for champions.
sexting just seems like too much work right now.
Hey.. Lock your door. There's a drunk girl walking around in here. She just came in my room and peed on my chair.
Standing straight up with intensity he came in his own mouth. I know this because he showed me the video from five different angles when asked if I would like him to demonstrate. And I did.
Randomize
