And I just threw up at the table during Mother's Day Brunch.
I really like him. That's why I'm having sex with someone else, so he doesnt think i'm a slut.
if socks could get pregnant i would have catholic amounts of kids
dude my little brother busts into my room last night and yells did you know that grandma is hiding scrambled eggs between her legs
If its called oral, why is it so hard to talk?
yes we were fucking thats why i put "watching a movie" in quotations
Thanks for making me watch you dance provacatively by yourself in the bathroom so you could see if you looked fat.
He looked at me and said "Last call" before putting his penis away into his boxers
Walked into the bar with my burrito and ordered a round of shots for everyone. Not sure if I want to look at the credit card statement.
right before he passed out he said "take care of your tender spirit"
We told you to stay put for 2 minutes. We come back out and your being handcuffed yelling "DO YOU FEEL LIKE A GOOD FUCKING PERSON ARRESTING ME ON MY BIRTHDAY?!"
I accidentally peed all over the couch. It's safe to say I'm not welcome at that house anymore
I want him to rummage through my vagina. with unwashed hands.
New York City is dangerous when the only bars you go to are the ones that have 'open' in front
Who loses their virginity to fucking Flo Rida
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