i threw up in his kitchen sink and then used a measuring cup to drink water because i couldn't find a clean glass. i just threw up down the stairs. it's gonna be a long walk home.
had no condoms so I just made do with an empty doritos bag.
i just posted a lake picture of you with a dead fish in your mouth. happy july 5th.
would it be rude to tell a homeless man that he should sell the lebron jersey and brand new nikes he's wearing if he's really that hungry
He woke up in the ambulance thinking he was still in the club.
You should try cooking mac & cheese naked sometime. It's quite relaxing.
one minute he's happily playing with a lighter and the next thing I know, he's screaming and the swing set is on fire
HURRY. I NEED DRUNK. MORE DRUNK.
Alvin just won tickets on the radio. I guess he's out of jail.
I'm glad you enjoyed the night but why were you calling me "daddy"?
I tried to get more sleep but the universe decided I needed a drunken freshman instead
Nothing says you made great Saturday night choices like someone's dick that you don't remember, poking you in the ass Sunday morning.
It's a family event: you have to drink. No way around it. Its the law.
gave out my moms phone number instead of mine last night... thattttttttttttttt dunk.
I swear 2020 just keeps getting worse and worse
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