i just fucked the bartender on my cruise to get free alcohol. have things gone too far?
She agreed that we could have sex whenever I wanted and I could let someone else meet my mom.
just threw up on dog. broke microwave with cheese and spoon. having a bath with my barbies singing final countdown.
before you ask yes i found the absinthe under your bed. ITS THE FINAL COUNTDOWWWWNNNNNN
No, he attached a coozie to his crutches so he can carry his beer around the party.
hey, its the girl who gave you a bloody nose and paid you back with a blow job. have you seen my shoes?
I ate 12 cupcakes in less than 24 hours, so no judgement here.
So I craigslisted sugar daddies and I'm pretty sure I found us one if you can pretend to be asian.
We should hook up after this. Laugh or look horrified to say yes.
You need to come back and help me drink our beer so the fridge has room for the other beers
And I'm still awake, and you left me. Like the guy on Jurassic Park, that jumped out of the car expecting me to save myself while there is a man eating T-rex ready to tear my ass apart except theres a mathematician and paleontologist there to save me because they are bad asses.
I wish the guy I was sleeping with wasn't on house arrest.
Judging by his bulge. This guy is going home with me. Who doesn't want a dick that looks like it used to be a pillar in Rome.
One day I'll learn not to get drunk on a plane. Today is not that day.
When you wear a dress that resembles the shape and color of Kirby to a wedding, you get the attention you deserve.
I ate all your munchie Mac and Cheese cause you left me on the lawn. If you don't want it to happen gain, drag my drunk ass inside next time
Randomize
