just checked my call log and realized that we talked for 3 mns. what did i say for that long?
pretty standard. you have fun last night?
apparently....what exactly does 'pretty standard' mean?
typical hot then cold, followed by a death threat.
Nothing too bad. Lost a stuffed horse on a stick and tore my clothes off. Again.
John tries to set me up, and she has 1 arm. I'm a nice guy, but 2 arms is kinda a requirement
The woman at walgreens tried to sell me clearance condoms with my fake eyelashes. Does it look like I get laid?
wouldnt it be awesome if walks of shame were like charity walks...you could get sponsors and shit and donate money to curing STDs or cancer
My main thought on the Olympics: I need LESS cowbell.
He gave me a promise ring. He promised that he will imagine me as every girl he fucks in college.
You know me. Don't need roses, just dick and food.
We didn't have sex because he locked himself in the bathroom and passed out while he was taking a shit. I cuddled with his cat.
Bring me a cialis. .. I feel like having a super dick today
You have more time for sex than anyone I know.
I'm potentially being cockblocked by Old Man Winter. What the fuck did I do to piss off an entire season?
Nothing to be ashamed of. I bet Oprah has sharted.
I screenshoted his dick pic the other day because it literally looked like a brontosaurus. Like that really tall dinosaur that eats grass. Like I wanna draw a face on it.
The thought of you trying to procreat frightenes and disgusts me!
Randomize
