Did you go home with that guy without me?
Sorry boo - it's pouring and I found a boy with a car
First rule of pills: If you can't remember what it is, take half.
I never Thought the day id see a chick shove a 2liter up her vag. that happened last night
You know you're wathing too much reality TV when you start adding commentary to every day life.
professor came back from spring break missing a tooth
You know just sitting here carrying on a conversation with a 5 yr old about why there is puke at the landing of the staircase
After a certain point, you just want to make it work. Prove to yourself that you're smarter than the vibrator.
do you know where my other puke covered boot is
She's barefoot and topless screaming "HERE KITTY-KITTY" at a stray cat in the ditch on the side of the highway. How do I get her back in the car?
It's 1:26 and I have already found 5 fruit flies between 3 separate glasses of wine. This is supposed to be a summer problem. Fucking global warming.
In other news I think my vagina is sunburnt
I drunkenly texted ur dad last night telling him he raised great kids hahahahaha
You wanna see what happens when frozen corn meets an unhappy Andrew's face?
I just realized that Margarita Wednesdays are so much better now when followed by No Work Thursdays.
party at the soccer house. crumbs in my sexy panties. can't. put. pieces. together.
Randomize
