Eric said he heard us having sex the other night. He said i did a great job.
They had a "who can aim further away from the toilet" contest. I'm now washing piss off my ceiling.
i dont know, i woke up and he was going down on me. i guess i can save his number
Is there any way to un-invite somebody to a wedding? I just checked out the other family, and I can't have a cockblock there.
this will be a night to untag.
I started making my dollar bills into rings for the strippers
Girl, that was the lost night of 2012 for me and I have buried that night deep deep away..
How do I tell your little brother I lost my virginity wearing nothing but his socks?
Formal letter or email.
I don't know what to think. Also, I decided to take a bath...sorry in advance if I flood the bathroom.
I am drinking fireball and apple juice out of a sippy cup like a fucking toddler.
He's gonna be like you slept with too many of my friends and you're being voted off the island haha
WE HAVE WINE WHERE ARE YOU GUYS WE ARE BY THE GIANT EAGLE
Floor bacon is actually really good
Emergency thong? Check! Suspension bondage is a go!
so on a scale from morning glass of wine to that time i burnt the garage down how drunk were you last night
About 'lets tie a boat to a truck and ride it down the freeway'
Randomize
