Blind date just said "Can't wait till I'm married so i can let myself go". There will be no second date.
It's sad that I have started checking out the ring finger before the rack...I'm getting old
I just watched Jersey Shore so I would know what rock bottom was when I reach it.
Yeah he had his two razors labeled "face" and "pubes". Should I be disgusted or impressed?
Sorry no. I've already promised my first single hookup to somebody.
Her roommate "grounded" her because she drunkenly tried to fill their fish tank with vodka
Seriously. All i can say is im covered in mud, my jaw hurts, i cannot straighten my arm, egg is everywhere, and there is a dead squirrel.
when I came to get Jamie there was a cop standing outside with her, made me roll down my window to tell me "she's got to go cause she won't keep her shirt buttoned"
Some lady just walked up to me in the bar and proclaimed that I looked like a "shady motherfucker." Can't argue with that one.
My nose was gushing blood and he just kept screaming "she took it like a champ" to everyone there. Plus side though, bartender felt bad for me and gave me a free drink.
Hooked up with a straight guy while dressed as a man. I'm unstoppable.
I told him I wish we were at my house cause then I could tell him to get out after we had sex.
Everything is covered in gelatin and pam cooking spray. Jesus be a shield.
Good to know. If our sexting moves past early 1900s vernacular, I'll be sure to use that once or twice.
If I get my period the weekend your parents are gone i'm removing my uterus.
Randomize
