i woke up to 115 texts from him all saying "do you love me??"
our drinking schedule never changed, we just drank at work.
according to the contents of this bucket, last night i swallowed a whole teabag
morning after pill = breakfast in bed
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Very nice. It looks like a Fisher-Price My First Dildo, but still very nice.
You made everyone who was on the patio sit on the floor and join your "ship" because you were the Captain. It was cool though. You let me be your 1st Mate.
We got a kitchen table so we would eat together more. So far we've played drunken monopoly and had sex on it.
I may or may not have told him that he's "the only one with a PHD in this pussy"... I should like direct cheesy porno flicks or something.
Why did you fed-x me a peanut butter sandwich?
It seemed like the thing to do. There's popcorn on it too.
STOP smoking sooo much weed. Damn
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Everyone says I win the strip club
he said "I would have fucked you in the chipotle bathroom" and I can't get over how awesome that would've been
I felt I lost my designated buddy on a field trip when you wandered off to get high with strangers.
Just did body shot off a midget. Pretty good start.
I ended up snorting coke while wearing a Bavarian dress and I feel like I need to reevaluate my life
There's a big ass bed, hella ecstasy, and I can guarantee you'll regret every second that you remember.
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