so this guy comes in from the patio covered in puke and says "we gotta go"...Yup u need to go is an understatement
Doctor took one look at my penis and said, 'you don't have herpes, you just masturbate too much'
I need to shower. I still have paint on me from the homeless guys
we tried to pick out bridesmaid dresses with pockets so we could sneak flasks in with us. what the fuck is the point of a dry wedding?
and this is why we should make december sharting awareness month.
Just found bacon bits in my pocket. Blackout buffet is the best.
She was like the Rudy of blow jobs... SO much effort into it
Yes perhaps we are both wrong. And did you call me bj girl?
I cannot even. Taco bell reception. Beers. New friends from Georgia.
you told that cab driver that when the 3 of us come togehter it means happiness and love
You got the whole drunk bus to sing, "In The Jungle" while conducting with your glowsticks.
I just took my birth control with Redi-Whip. I'm that girl.
you fail at everything in life besides blacking out
he BROKE his KNEE while we were getting it on, called 911 and the ambulance that showed up contained two paramedics, ONE WAS HIS FUCKING SISTER!!! HOW IS THIS MY LIFE?!?!?!
Poor life choices...?
How is it that 364 days a year I'm the adult, but on Halloween you completely forget how to have fun and become my grandma?
Randomize
