Here's a fun fact your kittens ate my vomit last night
Turns out, Windex will cut right through semen stains on a computer case.
Just ran into that chick u called from my phone and left her a MSG bout how she has aids
Ahaha, good shit
i made two phi delts show me their dicks in less than 30 words! Take that twitter!
long story short: there's a file in the master file cabinet labeled "lube".
It was like having sex with a donkey. Everytime she got close she would kick me.
plan d- we get drunk, go see that Justin Bieber movie and freak out 13 year old girls.
I think the moment I knew you were going to black out was when I told you how many shots you had already and you were shocked and then poured another one
Something about being drunk at 1pm chasing seagulls on the beach while it's raining is very calming
Like we were literally doing coke off his insulin pump
Never drinking again. Maybe, if our boss gave us more 3-day weekends we would know how to handle ourselves. That was a shit show.
This is the beginning of the end. Testicle Tuesdays and free ball Friday are going to scar people for life
Dude that picute of your balls will haunt my nightmares
It was an all night sausage fest and I was the lady of honor.
the coup got in the way of sex but inauguration day came thru we did it joe
we went to the skate park then back to her house for dinner, and somehow that ended with her making me blueberry pancakes at 2am
Randomize
