No, I can't hang out with Dave because he already has a girlfriend. The one with the tatoos of cherries on her "cherry." Yeah, she doesn't really make me feel spectacularly comfortable.
I felt like a body pillow being humped by a twelve year old.
you know that saying beer then liquer makes you sicker, it should be beer then pickles makes you throw up alot, everywhere.
Just had a drunken guest at my hotel threaten to "throw a fuckin fireball at my face"
just did awkward shuffle by the bagels in the dining hall at 7:30 AM with a kid i've hooked up with. goodbye freshman year.
sticking your hands in the toilet to wash your face is not acceptable. ever. i don't care how drunk you are.
Then, he just started shoving orange pieces in my mouth as a chaser
Some chick is drunk waving down a taxi with a slice of pizza.
And then I asked the bartender for my third shot and he told me he had to cut me off at two because this was in fact a family fun center
Dude. Yeah. This is a game changer. I feel dirty and possibly pregnant and it hasn't happened yet.
But you can't tell me I give the best blow jobs and then not break up with your girlfriend who has fucking TMJ! Come on!
I was just at home taking Vicodin for a week straight. Talk about a vacation.
Let's say hypothetically if you were going to put icing on a penis and then lick it clean...what would you ice it with? Not a knife right?
I just masturbated to the thought of him straight up talking to me. to us having a conversation. What the hell.
All I remember is being in the middle of the road puking and my bestfriend cheering me on from the passenger seat...
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