you may be an alcoholic when your drug dealer calls to yell at you for drinking too
she thought the capital of kansas was topanga.
i just jacked off to lindsey vonn, i feel so patriotic
USA! USA! USA!
I don't understand how anyone could look at him and think, 'Yeah, that's a good idea.'
I envy you so much. I get girls who pee on my floor and you get girls who leave in the middle of the night
Going to pass out with da shoes on. hugging wallstreet journal from tuesday. please check me for liveliness in the morning.
Considering the fact that you wouldn't give me my cat last night because he was "destined for broadway", yeah, I'm accusing you of stealing him
Yeah. I stopped her before she flashed the guy for a free slice of pizza. She called me a gentleman and then before I knew it she was in my bed.
I wore water proof eyeliner just incase the first picture of me of 2012 is a mugshot
I'm at this kids house trying to figure out if I pissed in his kitchen new years eve. Lmao, stop letting me drink.
It's days like today that make me happy I'm not a porn star.
By the time I realized I was watching a Danish porno with muppets it was already too late
You're an adult now and it's your vagina. You should do what it or you wants.
No. It's going to be "I'm mad that it took you so long to get over here" angry sex.
I now have scissors specifically made for cutting dicks off.
Randomize
