how did you get vomit on both your shoulders. I mean think about it.
As we were fooling around he told me he was conceived on this bed like it would turn me on.
At least now when I say "never again" the likelihood is that it won't actually happen again the next weekend...that my friend is called growth
Just made a drunk dude do 20 push-ups. In the parking lot of the bar tonight for a keystone light I found in the back of my truck.
Oh yum
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
who dressed up as a cop at your party???
idk I have to check. Why?
he gave me the best strip search of my life. FIND HIM.
My sister was borrowing my phone when the sext came through. She just said "wow. He's got a nice dick!" Then went on like nothing happened. Outed by a dick pic and its no big deal. Best sister ever.
I just pictured my inhibition personified as little pink piggies with wings flying off into the great wide nowhere hahaha
I'm not sure what your ex was trying to say to me I was too busy chanting your name in his face
i hope you're proud of yourself! i just had to ask my boss to put ointment on the rugburn on my back. clothes hurt!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You were discovered in a bush, smoking, and singing "in the jungle" to yourself. Which explains the scratches, but not the orange paint.
No it was fine, I've just never seen that many people eat dog food
Hey don't blame me, picking what flavor of condom to put on my dick is a very difficult selection process
NO FUCKING RANDOMS IN AN ALLEY
If someone tells me they're a paramedic, how inappropriate is it for me to ask what their save to kill ratio is?
We decided it was a good idea to go streaking through the campus. Everything was fine until the sprinklers turned on and we realized the keys were in his pocket.
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