why do all the strippers look like they came from fraggle rock
i dont have any money that hasnt already been designated for cigarettes and birth control
i forgot i changed ur name in my phone to "the situation" so when u texted me i got really excited for a hot second
i thought we decided on me being "the altercation" instead
I'm too tired to go all the way tonight, especially if you're going to quote Katy Perry at me during
No, i will not have sex with him again. It felt like he was trying to bulldoze his way through me. My vagina is on strike.
I bet it kind of sucks while you do community service I'm getting blown in the shower. haha
I'm approaching homosexuality at an increasingly alarming rate with each break up.
If this first date goes well and I like him, I won't sleep with him. But if it doesn't go well, I'll sleep with him.
DOGS JUST TOTALLY ATE THE FEATHERS OFF MY NIPPLE CLAMPS!!!
I choose McDonald's breakfast at 1:28am over sex anytime
apparently I stole your wolf lighter. probably bc you made me howl while you puked over your deck railing.
You don't know how emotionally damaged I am from crashing into that park maintenance van. I'll never ride a bike because of it.
I've had more jaegerbombs than I can count on 3 fingers
He is completely naked, curled in a ball, and rocking back and forth in the shower humming lullabies to himself. This is your responsibility since I'm going to be fucking someone in 5.7 seconds.
Dick pics just aren’t doing it for me, this bowl of Mac n cheese and Game of Thrones trump you tenfold
Randomize
