Writing my paper on freud at bar
??
Going up to girls and asking if they were anal explosive or anal retentive as children
Smooth
So. Did i wake up at 430, try to drive home, stop to throw up at a shell, and try to clean out my car and drop my keys in a full dumpster? Yes.
Literally like 10 people walking in my building talking about how much they hate draco
and this is why i am such an inspirational person, i am the Joel Osteen of alcoholics.
Everytime I know she spent a lot of time on her hair for one of our dates, I intentionally cum on the top of her head. That's how she knows I pay attention.
And theres a reasonable expectation that if you're fighting over a pair of yoga pants on the ground at VS someones gonna videotape it
Just helped a homeless man panhandle outside of Wawa, made him $6.31. Where are you?
Apple should advertise that their phones are puke-proof. They would appeal to a whole new audience.
I complimented him on his choice of carpeting while he was humping me.
Can someone please explain where the fish in the mason jar came from when we were at a bar all night?
You told the bartender if he gave you one of the fish you'd go away
Actually let's just focus our energy on not getting committed to a psych ward.
I'm working on a search warrant...can u pick up box of Chardonnay...I'll give u cash when u get here...
Yea... I love that ur a prosecutor and drink box wine
We kinda got asked to leave the strip club and on the way out, you fell again. When you finally got up we got a standing ovation from the girls behind the bar and you took a bow. It was awesome.
Remember, I smoked so you wouldn't have to. I'm like the Jesus of Marijuana.
So I fell alseep while I was motorboating that girl last night infront of the entire party.
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