Im like a co-bf. he pays for her birthday and christmas, but i get all the action.
You hooked up with another girl while you were with me. You were literally holding my hand while you did it.
his profile picture is him throwing up "#1" hands after his lax championship next to his coach that i fucked....embarrasing for him, yet ironically beautiful for me.
Pre warning. Your not gonna sleep tonight cuz I'm staying with your roommate. Thanks for breaking up with me.
Bathrooms are cool, I think Im just gonna hang out here for a bit.
we were bear claw grabbing his crotch in the middle of the bar yelling prominent ridge over and over.
Some rando is vomiting profusely into the garden outside the employee entrance. Where are you when things like this happen to me?
Vomiting outside the employee entrance
I told them I got hit by a car again and now im pretty sure they think im being abused but there was no way in hell the truth was going to fly. Employed people aren't supposed to break their faces in piggy back ride accidents.
Climbing through a window thats four feet off the ground isnt the easiest thing when youre high, trust me.
he ate me out on his front porch at dawn. i orgasmed when the sun began to rise. most romantic morning booty call ever.
Got laid at work. Yes, AT work, why they let me run this tennis center by myself speaks to their poor judge of character.
DRAW HIM A PICTURE OF SOME FUCING AWESOME THING. LIKE A UNICORN OR SOME SHIT. FANTASTIC.
I was just trying to flirt with James Franco but she kept telling me to take shots out of Ron Burgundy's mouth
she peed her pants, took them off, the put them back on. but she only put her legs in one hole.
Me and my boss just exchanged pictures of our bongs and such...I don't know I feel about this
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