Ummmm yeah ..,.. All three girlfriends I have right now are chatting with each other at the party...... I'll see you on the other side
He'd bedazzaled his ass. Im not even that gay...
I woke up naked in my bathtub at 5:30 this morning. There's legit a spray tan body print of me in the fetal position in my tub.
Okay so my USC tutor just offered to eat me out. I think I'm definitely applying to USC.
Embrace your curves. Cuz we're too poor for a coke habit.
Oh my god he's laying on a longboard singing the song from cool runnings.
Lesson learnt. Sex toy cleaning spray is not an acceptable substitute to clean your glasses with.
I don't know what happened this summer, I've lost my sense of morality. All I do now is work, get drunk, and have sex near national landmarks.
Promise me you will not let me do anything sexual with or to a mini horse no matter how drunk we get. Ever.
I cried over the lack of milkshakes I've consumed in the last month
It's like an adderall Houdini. Right when you think you have a deal he disappears
I have found random beers stashed in my purse and microwave... Apparently I thought 2015 was gonna have a beer shortage
Im covered in coffee vomit and urine and none of which are mine
I forgot wine drunk hurts
The amount of guys I've turned down for you is disgusting... You better love me.
Randomize
