maybe next time you shouldn't be drinking alone watching intervention at 3 am and no one would think you needed an intervention.
If you bring me a slurpee and advil I will eat you out for like an hour.
Yeah, all the sudden I heard a loud "ding" and realized I had been passed out on the dorm elevator for about an hour....
surgery went fine. i cant breath out of my right nostril though. lets not eat peas anymore when we are drunk.
Everything gets a little fuzzy after the flats of jello shots, but I do have a vague recollection of being at the top of a large human pyramid
I just don't understand how a line to ride a camel on a college campus could be too long for you to wait in.
I whispered "you're doing a great Job" when he was fucking me. Then high fived him.
The chick got into the cab with us and said we have 3 chances to guess what she just stuck up her ass. Hello to you to!
I'm texting an actual stripper. A male stripper. I dont wanna talk about it yet
I had tater tots and weed with a stripper at 4am who compared the size of my boob to her head because fuck you my life rocks
Why does fireball set life on fire? Your insides, your head, your behavior...
Just called to hear your voice and talk about pizza.
Honestly his girlfriend says she hates me cause she thinks im trying to get him to cheat on her with me...she should hate me cause i already accomplished that.
You fell asleep while I was sucking your dick
What are you, a fucking toaster ?
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