You should swallow it and be like the ticking crocodile. Only you play Still of the Night.
Do they take checks?
Did you really just ask me if you could write a check for a DRUG DEAL?
That penis you're staring at is the penis of heartbreak. Stay away. It will break your heart AND keep you away from other penises. BACK. OFF. THE PENIS.
Last night, I accomplished the impossible. I pissed while riding my bicycle home without pissing all over myself. My Dutch friends gave me a round of applause and said I was now the king of holland.
and I believe it was when I was running to class to take a test still drunk in my Halloween costume that I realized I have reached that point in the semester where I just don't give a flying fuck anymore.
WHY AM I ALWAYS THE ASSHOLE WHO BREAKS OUT THE SHOTS
After you bought Jesus' name tag off him at the Mexican restaurant you commenced to stumbling around the lobby showing anybody who would listen what would Jesus do.
Stop giving me tequila.
bah. we'll see. don't give yourself a boner of false hope.
Passed out drunk in a tanning bed...
Did At The Beach call the fire department to get you like last time?
Yeah that doesn't involve enough booze, count me out
Whore are you.
Is that a Yoda insult or are you asking me where I am?
Yes.
I've never been so tempted to check my phone during sex in my life.
I accidentally gave my prayer card to the bouncer. Clearly a cry for help #saveme
I'm going to ride your dick until it falls off. That horny.
I'm equal parts terrified and turned on. Come over.
My boss just offered me a vodka mixed drink at work I do not have a real job
Randomize
