today i did the best job ever shaving. like my vagina is PERFECT. plus i straightened my hair for a good hour. if i don't get ass tonight, i'm killing a baby.
She was giving me great head...... until I asked her how much this was going to cost.... she left abruptly
I popped a zit on your vagina. Don't say I never loved you.
i shall enjoy my approximately 2 hours of being sober today
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
When it gets to the point that I'm more comfortable being naked at his house than my own, it's time to readdress the fuckbuddyship.
Decided against hooking up with creepy stalker guy for a ride to work. I feel I've earned a few self respect points back.
He came to my house drunk at two a.m., got in the hot tub, refused to get out until he smoked a blunt, and said "That's what brothers and sisters are for."
The Supreme Court upheld health insurance. If that's not an excuse to get hospital drunk, I don't know what is.
His name sounds so important....sounds like the name of my future baby daddy to me.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Told my prof I have mono so that he won't judge me when I show up hungover and looking like shit to class every day.
Just skip
Please. i have SOME standards
You drunk-dialed me and asked me to describe my burrito
I love how encouraging you are, but I need you to stop me when the guy I'm going home with is a dead ringer for Nick Cage.
You informed me your place was now a nudist colony and unless I was there to drink schnapps with the cat I had to strip.
Maybe i don’t have a tell. Maybe wine is my poker face.
i cant believe the cop was fine with you saying no we are in a hurry when he asked to search your car
Randomize