I can totally hide my daquiri in my sling.
I know I'm not learning anything when I can't even spell the name of the class I'm taking
The doctor wrote 'condom retrieval' on my discharge paper.
bro i finally banged her last night on our basement couch
I'm at this frat party right now and yelled "my little 16 year old brother finally lost his virginity." They gave you a standing ovation
That chick needs a catscan. And fuck it, we're still ordering in a stripper
we've been together for three years, and i still get excited when i know i'm going to give him a blow job. it's that kind of love
remind me not to fuck anymore half bald 20 year olds. because obviously there's attachment issues
Evidently I told a girl she should leave the bar because no one wanted to fuck her.
I'm giving you a get out of sober free card for one of the nights
I'm going to make "gut the love salmon" a common slang term for sex. Spread the word.
I'm pretty sure there a million tiny ninjas in my uterus poking me with sticks.
I really don't think there's anything more liberating than farting.in a loud bar where no one.can.hear you
I was thirsty after the sex and it was a long trek back to res so naturally I stole chocolate milk from his fridge as I left
Your boyfriends underwear are hanging from my kitchen window. Where the fuck are you?!
You are cut off. Your giant penis and crazy awesome sex is ruining my body...
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