If I'm having a dream where I'm having sex and I can actually feel it between my legs because I've had a lot of it recently, does that make me a whore?
I have a feeling this is a serious question. Problem solve, Jess.. I'm going to let you figure that one out on your own
If a young child walked up to you and grabbed your penis, you'd feel violated too.
He just kept yelling "body massage machine go" at random intervals throughout the night
ITS DAYLIGHT SAVINGS TIME SUNDAY EVERYTHING IS GOING TO BE OK AFTER ALL
Duuuude. Everything is so brilliant right now. This frosting is freaking orgasmic.
It's vanilla, man. Accept no substitutes. There are so many t's in that word.
Tonights dinner consisted of washing down my plan b pill with a bottle of wine and toast. College is turning my life around
Btw after this weekend the chipndales costume has a 125% success rate.
Why would I send you a picture of it when I could just steal the gnome and put it in your bed with you? Admit it, he looks just like gnomeo!
So we reenacted men's olympic skeet shooting using roman candles and flattened beer cans. That's all
Fried chicken is a must. Do strippers eat fried chicken or should I plan on something else?
Selling our snow shovel to buy more beer. Not your brightest idea.
Well if you don't want to be kicked out before last call don't I would suggest stop drinking whiskey and don't call the giant bouncer with the neck tattoo "princess"
Jimmy johns delivers to the bar behind work. Happy vodka day!
I keeping finding meatballs in random places
I sexted him with a GIF from titanic and it worked....
Randomize
