There is now a Twilight themed dildo. What do YOU want for christmas??
I'm so high that a hulu ad convinced me to go on healthybaby.com
We were sexting and at the end, instead of us having sex, he decided to put "we fell asleep in each others arms."
He has 250 profile pictures. Of course he was a douchebag
I just found out my mom named me after her fake ID from college...
It was horrifying, i havent seen a girls mouth open that wide since that one episode of Goosebumps..
Tonight, a friend walked in and said "oh look at that. Drunk on the living room floor. Just as expected." this is my life. This is my life.
He ran into the surf holding up a cigarette yelling "let the Olympic games begin!" So no, no vodka left.
idk man, I was fucked up and eating fried rice at the grocery store, tried to wave at her but she just looked concerned at me.
I should get him a card "thanks for letting me use you for your penis on and off as I see fit and for being a nice guy. My boobs and I appreciate your loyalty and dedication"
I guess I just don't understand how the two main issues with your ex involve a cock ring and a Christmas tree
Do the security cameras outside your house capture sound? If so your whole family is going to hear me describe my threesome
My manager caught me going taking a nap in an empty room. Apparently she sleeps there too.
is it still the walk of shame if his dad gave me a 'thanks for sleeping with my son' head nod on my way out this morning?
I miss seeing you
i hope for the sake of your safety you were not with your girlfriend while sending texts like that at 3 am
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