"Party in the USA" was played at church youth group last night. It was like everything I enjoy hating was aligning against me.
I don't think anyone has ever said "boy I'm glad I took those shots of everclear" when they wake up
I want to know him. He looks like he makes really good breakfast burritos.
Let's enter the circle of trust. Are we there yet? Ok. If I somehow hypothetically slept with Amandas ex husband...on a scale of one to ten...how bad is that?
There's something odd about buying beer for the first time while wearing my school sweater from kindergarten, but I don't mind.
Why is there a chicken nugget nailed to my front door?
At this point can I suggest a mail away bride. You judge Nick but you are a strange dude and that may be your ticket.
Oh if we have sex in public no one will frown upon it. They will stand and cheer for it
Drunk enough that you donated $50 to taco bell, because they serve a great purpose.
Our apt smells like hot shit marinated in oregano and cumin. No more taco truck dinner, fuck face. The wall paper is peeling.
I just gate-crahed a party and met a state senator, so I had an interesting afternoon jog.
It was going very smoothly until she noticed my boner of hope.
Uh I almost got the bride to go down on me. I'm the smoothest maid of honor ever.
He tried to get me to go back to his place on the condition that he has 6 cats. I was very tempted but I said no. Hoping to go see the cats tomorrow
We're on our way. We couldn't find our clothes this morning, so we're driving your car half naked. You owe me a cigarette.
Randomize
