Do you still have your period?
I swallowed and made him pancakes in the morning. I feel almost as desperate as Jennifer Aniston at this point.
i thought i was the drunkest one there til some girl puked in the tip jar.
I vaguely remember taking a shit behind the shed before I started puking over the fence. No more Xanax.
i would bitch about being this hungover, but honestly im just happy to be alive after this weekend
I took my pants off in the cab and tried to bite his ear. Not going oout for awhile
I told him the truth. Truth leads to vodka. Vodka leads to tequila. Tequila leads to prison.
I held his ankles while he hung off the top bunk attempting to get my pillow that fell off.
I woke up in nothing but a shower cap and your sparkling coke straw snorter thing inbetween my toes. Explain.
The only thing he had going for him was mad fingering skills. the ONLY thing. crayons have a wider circumference.
Oh god. Just tried to hail a pizza delivery car. Awkward.
International sake day = success
If it meant we had chicks like that every weekend I would gay marry the shit out of you dude
I would like to dedicate my cray behavior this week to my uncontrollable hormones and wine. Both have totally Efff'ed with my life.
Dude. Went to buy some jack and sailor Jerry, when the guy at the counter realized it was my birthday everybody in the store including the stoners and the elderly sang to me. Then they gave me shots of moonshine. 21st bday was a success
Be there in 20. Want icecream?
sex. I want sex. I like where your heads at though.
Randomize
