Ha. No worries! So loud here &god I love drag queens! How does it happen, the congealing?
From inside my college history class i see him waving his arms while holding a beer bong trying to get my attention
New dating criteria: what kind of ex will this person be?
so we have officially lost him as of 7 hours ago.. already called campus security, the drunk tank and the hospital. figure he'll turn up eventually..
i'll start checking the bushes on campus.
Oh right she's pregnant - that's why all of her statuses have been uber depressing
Have invented new cocktail. Any flavor of crystal light and vodka. I call it "I am going to die alone"
second attempt at shower sex: failed after the water turned orange bc of a fire up the street. this is just not meant to be
Two questions for you. Did I throw up last night and did we get food or did I dream that..?
No you never threw up but you did force me to take you to wendy's because you wanted "beef and ketchup"
Why is there a water bottle full of red wine on my desk this morning?
See you tonight.
Turn on the Discovery Channel
Lets fuck to motorcycle gang fighting
I'm just waiting til he drunkenly pisses in his new man's car the way he always whipped it out and went Bellagio in mine.
It may not have seemed like it to you, but I was very sad that I was cheating on my GF with you. I was crying on the INSIDE.
Have you ever had chicken nuggets while high? Because it tastes like hearing the Beatles for the first time
Thou shall not get drunk and hit bitch cup in pong and take shirt off while wearing a see-through lace bra again
Need to find a Santa hat to fit my penis, he deserves to be festive too.
Randomize
