Ummmm I went to see who was upstairs, he was the only one in his room so we had sex while the travel channel played in the background.
Oh good. Romantic. Still, I'm jealous of the sex.
Probably not, since he made me promise not to tell anyone it only lasted ten seconds.
What should our trivia night team be named?
Define Statutory
i'm so high i feel like the people i'm chatting with online can some how see that i'm naked.
I woke up with a black eye and dim memories of announcing that i had super powers. I shoved my pockets full of canned tuna and tried to jump off the balcony. And then my boyfriend called the cops.
so you're not coming in to work today?
did you mean anything you said last night? i just wnna know
no
Apparently he ran around last night saying he was 'the hulk hogan of muff diving'
At the end of the night you handed the bartender a piece of paper with the word "VISA" written on it.
The bruises are from paintball. The money is from me being awesome
You need to tell him your pregnant or we need to stop playing doubles beer-pong. My liver is begging you.
you closed your eyes and pointed to a cupboard..there was vodka on the top shelf. your sixth sense is amazing. plus, we convinced the foreign kid you're a booze whisperer
Oh btw I learned how to say "my penis is a flamethrower" in German. Tonights gonna be fun
he pushed me in the lake knowing full well I had joints on me. that's drug-abuse!!
My brother is chasing tequila with vodka. Not sure how it will turn out, but I like his style.
I got blackout last night and applied to be a banker
This is bullshit, I shit my pants for the 1st time in 30 years, stuck on the 405, fuck this shit.
Depends
Randomize
