I am dying of drunk and no thats not a typo.
my weekend in 10 words or less: hot friend of a friend, open bar, beach house, sore. In that order too.
Bonnaroo quote of the day: "why the fuck am i pregnant?!?!" - exclaimed loudly by random hippie.
He's married, but his wife isn't my neighbor so I don't feel bad about coveting him.
So what if i'm late to spanish tomorrow. who the hell cares. i don't even speak spanish.
im in his phone as 'great ass to tap'
you have to give me like a days notice for these kinds of things, you cant just call at 9 am and expect me to be sober
Fuck buddy has no power. Invited her over to use my shower. I love hurricaines.
Hey, did you take me to hospital last night?
The chlamydia really affected his face.
when I said energy drinks I meant cocaine
University has ruined us all. I just had to clarify the last time I had sex as "No, not at the party we crawled home from in the snow. It was the one where you puked off the balcony and hit the barbecue."
I just realized that I have dated 5 unemployed guys...and 3 that drove pt cruisers...Turns out I do have a type.
I don't want to be drunk any more. Can you hit the off switch?
Should I wish him a happy birthday?
Well he has been inside of you enough times that you probably should.
Randomize
