I called the bartender Mr. Intoxication last night. He thought it was funny until i threw up and blamed it on him
Also, just saw a homeless man answer a phone call on a blackberry...
my mom sold the house because of the grow room the couple saw i had in the basement.
We did nothing beneficial to ourselves, or our country last night.
He was so drunk he was throwing the bowling balls into other lanes on purpose. He still beat my high score thought.
He ran over from the bar to give me more singles because the stripper was doing gymnastics on me. He is a really great friend, just probably not the best boyfriend.
Ok, so technically yes she wore a red tank top to the stoplight party. But under it was a yellow bra and green panties.
definitely good. no good can come from sex in a very full public venue.
I take Paypal, cash, sexual favors, and roasted red potatoes with garlic as payment. You choose.
Yea. You locked yourself outside naked with nothing but running shoes and claimed it was a "parent trap thing."
Had a very good bday. Have the teeth marks and bruises to prove it
When I walked out of the bathroom and you were literally dancing, you looked at me and said 'this is how I dance'. And then continued.
One day when i undoubtedly need an intervention please let it include lightsabers.
I think I can handle that.
Sitting on couch, workout sex makes me more sore than regular workout
I remember waking up on the bathroom floor and seeing my teeth behind the toilet
Randomize
