We're going clubbing with matching soccer jerseys on.
What will that accomplish?
It will accomplish clubbing with matching soccer jerseys on.
So I'm looking through your google history on your laptop and you have 'is ketchup even remotely nutritious' and 'alcohol with fewest calories but highest alcohol'. What new fad diet are you on because I feel like we could do this together.
For some reason i am carrying prostate cancer brochures. i am nor used to drinking this early.
I don't have any swimsuits that don't show off the weird handprint bruises on my hips. Do you have a onepiece I can borrow?
Send me the picture of my mugshot, my boss got arrested last night and I'm trying to make her feel better.
Went to 3 separate liquor stores today and I just made a huge tray of jello shots. This will be the Thanksgiving that puts all the others to shame.
He said I was the "egg mcmuffin" of blowjobs. I'm flattered.
How do you not remember?? She kept putting a dollar on her waistband and insisting it was all you can eat under a dollar
You know it's bad when I can already feel tomorrow's hangover before even drinking today.
First thing on my "to do" list- get sober for community service.
It's 2:10 am I am sprawled on the floor of the kitchen drunk and eating cold chicken wings come help
My purse is like an anchor I can't move I am sliding around like an over turned turtle send help
This floor is really dirty send a maid if you can
He's hot, you can get laid, and you may get free drugs. It's the trifecta of banging a drug dealer
Just bought condoms with a walmart gift card. Thanks grandma.
I guess the lesson here is that I shouldn't send nudes to elected officials.
Yes but I said "let's get a dog" not a drunk human so some rules will be established this evening
Randomize
