and that's why we call him explosion in my pants. no one remembers his real name.
You look at her and you just know the only action she's gotten is from her tampon..
Somewhere in this world my second husband is in 9th grade.
im sober playing flip cup. its like cheating.
He asked me why my bellybutton was so ugly... and wondered why i wasnt in the mood anymore.
I should have known our good time had gone to shit when his ankle bracelet started flashing.
Selling drugs in raindeer antlers is the best way to spread christmas cheer
Was booty called last night and I was so blacked out that my roomie made me puke before going to "eye of the tiger." Why I'm still single is beyond me
for me, it's working out the tricky timing of the Viagra and nightly laxative.
I'm gone to the point of literally hugging trees, partially for support, but also because I like them.
Yeah, I'm just gonna try to repress that and remember him for his big dick and perfect jawline.
I can check masterbating in China off the bucket list.
Who the fuck stole my fridge again
I don't know if I'm more disturbed by the fact that you hooked up with a dude with one arm, or that "hook up with a dude with one arm" was on your bucket list.
She never came back from the bathroom so I went to look for her... I was in my room and heard this rustling. And she was in my closet petting ties.
Randomize
