When you only buy popcorn and condoms at the grocery store they know whats up.
is it bad i banged a 25yr kindergarten teacher last night?
No thats like a top 10
and all i could think about was how mcdonalds would not be open anymore after we were done having sex
you should be back in the room by now but just so you know. you passed out at the black jack table and they wheel chaired you out. strip club in about 45 minutes. game face bro.
The difference between you and me last night was that I didn't remember getting into the cab and you didnt know we were in one.
After your mom took her 12th and fatal tequila shot she proceeded to fall head first into the bonfire... Guess I don't have to fear getting old after all
I just lit a candle in my room using axe and a lighter, that's how bored I am. Let's get schwasted.
I bought 2 40s with winning lottery tickets and they paid me $.03. 'Merica
YOU WERE HAVING SEX IN THE SAME BED I WAS SLEEPING IN. AND YOU GRABBED MY HAIR. OF COURSE I'M PISSED.
Would it be appropriate to cancel a hookup to watch the golden globes?
absolutely. tina fey and amy poehler trump everything.
Ok I've processed it. Who the fuck makes out drunk in a parking lot in a backseat with the windows down in the middle of the day?!?!
Omg how many tall cans is too many tall cans for 1 pm
So I just noticed that my last drunk google search before going to bed last night was "ghosts based on gays." I have no idea what that's supposed to mean
Does your Fitbit monitor your liver failure?
You whispered 'For Frodo', handed me your shirt, and charged campus security.
Randomize
