I told him it tasted like his mom..needless to say we were asked to leave.
There are few people I can ask this w/o being looked at as insane... Do you ever some days get fascinated by how amazing your own breast look?
Stop it. You sound like you're giving birth.
hey you didnt make it to our afterparty what happened?
Ran around with a boom box broke a trampoline float, had a girl lick my ear the usual
It's not every day you get to see a girl fuck herself with a pickle.
We just found a knife wedged in between the cushions on the couch you guys fucked on...why is this?
She made me sing happy birthday to myself at the urinal.
just watched a cripple ollie in his wheelchair to get on to the elevated floor in the bar. I. LOVE. WISCONSIN
You gave me your shirt to use as a napkin every time I spilled beer on myself. Before we went to the bar.
Yeahhh, everybody is so helpful when a pretty girl is crying hysterically and has only one shoe and a six pack.
Don't use or open the microwave. It's full of smoke. Buying a new one tomorrow, will explain.
Is her birthday actually on cinco de mayo? That makes so much sense
Sorry that I got drunk and refused to let you buy me pizza. I'm a monster and I understand if you hate me forever
high moment I think I just reached personal nirvana
Went online to check my credit card... $147.87 at Waffle House. $632.36 at "Red Rose Gentleman's Club" and a $1000 cash advance from an ATM. I may no longer be a fiancé.
Randomize
