im in a room full of women tattooing each others tits. i hope i remember this tomorrow
Yo, if someone calls you asking for John Stamos, just go with it.
I'm on strict orders from her to keep sleeping with you until you give her a job next summer.
Just stabbed myself in the face trying to lick melted cheese off a kitchen knife.
Gees I domt know what your deal was. You kept looking at Nick and shaking your head frantically and doing a weird motion with your hands
Tgat was the small dick alert
Not sure if this is better or worse than the discovery that bourbon and hot chocolate is a viable combo
We literally just Chinese fire drilled so I could give him road head.
Your stoned with a 2 year old in the room....and that makes you want to have babies?!
im sleeping with a therapist...so you can talk to me.
At a point I was just cumming dust last night
I can see the future and your future is full of penis
Asking for a friend: is it frowned upon to eat pizza while you materbate or does it just mean you are fantastic at multitasking?
Last thing I remember I was riding on a picnic table being hauled around by a lawn mower with an empty case of bud light on my head...
I want to conceive our bastard child on an athletic field. Why can't we make this happen?
Thanks for the hospitality last night.
You mean sex?
Yes....hospitality.
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