Last night, you attempted to motor boat my vagina then proceeded to blow raspberries on it. Don't ever do that again.
girl has like over 50 stars tattooed on her front, side and back. feels like i just fucked the universe.
You said I was the most beatiful preggers youve ever seen...im not pregnant
I was just texting to see if your vagina was working yet.
Who would have guessed that on my moms birthday she'd have sex with the door open. :(
i wish i had the videos of us pissing on him last night.
drunk taco night MLK would want it this way.
I woke up to an email from Groupon for 3 laser lipo treatments...on Valentine's Day...way to kick me when I'm down Groupon.
i DID try to find you last night. i asked where you were and you texted me the letter "e" and a picture of the dark.
Sounds good. Stay safe. I'm kind of drunk in a Food 4 Less right now and I'm having the time of my life.
If you can get laid in a rudolph onesie you are doing something right my friend.
You got called a pussy at a party with a slow cooker, you can't let that shit slide
Some girl took her panties off, soaked them in vodka and wrung them out into a line of guys' mouths! Awesome!
No, NOT awesome. Where the fuck do you go drinking!?!
Just smoked the bong while taking a dump. I love living by myself.
On your day off do you wanna get wine drunk and take a few episodes of Jerry Springer way too seriously with me?
Randomize
