they thought it would be fun to get out their yearbook and see who hooked up with the most guys..I won...I don't even go to the same school
then my best friend's brother, boyfriend, and future bro in law showed up at the bar. they asked who i was there with. didn't know if "a 40 year old man" or "my 5th grade teacher" was better answer.
you were stumbling around in your attic looking for all your swim team medals because you wanted to "feel like a champion."
There were 4 naked women demanding my presence. Of COURSE I got into the pool.
She came to the party with six kegs and a life sized portrait of Lavar Burton. SHE WILL BE MY WIFE.
Sitting in airport bathroom. Guy walks into toilet next to me and announces "I want to apologize to the entire airport for what I'm about to do"
Shotgunning beers to finish a midterm project at 3am is a good idea right?
Got head at the top of a water slide over-looking the valley while wearing a sombrero and drinking a corona. Epic.
At IHOP. It feels weird and sad that your cleavage isn't here for me to try to toss paper wads into.
I don't want anything calamari shaped after last night. But I appreciate the Cheerios offer.
I am at a point in my life where I don't want to brush my teeth for my tinder date because toothpaste and martinis don't mix.
Honestly at least you're not debating on whether or not you need to take plan b. But I can't because I spent all my money on pizza.
Are we DOING anything for lunch...if sex is involved, let's just be straight forward and stop wasting the first half hour! We just need to get to the point
If youre worried about being stabbed, you probably shouldnt be there.
Do you ever wake up and realize playing beer pong with your parents wasnt a dream? Your mom really beat you
Randomize
