My boss' voice literally gives me gas
she was drooling, sharted in her sleep, rolled over stuck her hand under the covers pulled it back out, smelled it and moaned and rolled back over. i almost added puke to the disgusting bodily fluid category.
dude...I wrote 15 jersey shore quotes on her body. she is going to do the walk of shame with snookie on her forehead.
i sneezed during and he said it felt like i gave birth to his dick...then asked me to do it again.
The frequency that you give me blue balls couldn't be healthy.
the doctor brought back painful memories by lecturing me about your teeth marks that are still on my dick.
I've decided to dedicate my life to finding out which flavor of Gatorade tastes best after you brush your teeth
I'm figuring, since someone shoved pizza crust in my ear last night, there might be some leftover pizza.
The boat wouldn't start, so we brought it back to her house and we've been sitting in it in her driveway for the past 5 hours drinking beer and yelling at peoplee.
It's been two days. I am still burping up jello. Everything tastes like jello. Everything smells like jello. I am DONE with jello shots.
Awkwardly walking by your fuck buddy and waving a casual hi in his direction like nothing has happened is probably the best thing in my life
Well, most of my extended family doesnt know about my love for the penis, so they dont have a reason to disown me
Look outside and see if the septic tank explodes when I flush this.
just saw a kid get pissed on buy a tiger at the zoo. His dad is rofling and the kid is crying. I think I have to go make a new friend
Gonna try and have sex in the empire state bldg, will tell you how it goes
Randomize
