Think the blond can even spell "shiksa"?
please come get me his dick is out. i'm sitting on his couch and his dick is out. come now
She posted on her FB that he moved out...It's like she wants me to fuck him.
the laptop wouldn't balance on his lap. that's how well endowed he is.
Between the booze, mechanical bulls, and penis's I think my body hates it when I'm single
Lesson of the night: never take shots out of a bottle you found under a couch in a frat house. I have no idea where I am
my hand froze to the top of can of beer cuz i fell asleep outside. i decided to find a way to open the bottom of the can before addressing my severe frostbite. PRIORITIES!
We're about to play the try not to vom at the president's house game...
They've already turned me into the Dean of Students once because they felt 'unsafe' because I came home hammered and asked one of them to make me a grilled cheese sandwich. Like, I just ASKED!
I was about to google "rabies and sexual activity." Then I realized I was at work.
YOURE ABOUT TO SEE SO MUCH UNCIRCUMCISED DICK
I am at the car wash dressed as a turn of the century librarian
I'm eating an ice cream cone and pooping. Don't know how I'm gonna wipe.
My nipples are raw, I've yet to go to bed, I feel like death, and I'm at work. Thank you jack, crown, and Lafayette!
Breakfast sounds amazing but can we do IHOP instead? I have to pick up a Plan B pill and there’s a CVS next to it
Randomize
