Passed out watching pirates of caribbean with vodka in hand. Woke up to jenna jameson, with vodka gone.
im as drunk as the barefoot contessa. GET TO MY LEVEL
dude. stop pregaming the food network.
i think i just saw hanson at the grocery store. one might have been a girl. hard to tell. lets call that one taylor.
Ask Niel how long his lasts if he plays with it a lot.
he says 15-20 minutes depending on the porn.
no his phone, idiot.
just throwing this out there: period starts tomorrow sooo either sex tonight or not until tues/weds.
i get a bj anyways so it's really your choice.
k i'll be over in 5.
i can't believe he got me to come over to him by waving a natty light at me.
Babe, the 4 years we've been together have been amazing. Will you marry me?
are you seriously doing this over text message
hahaha no, but i am dumping you.
She used to be a real nice person. Now she's just a dick sucking machine
I took an adderall. This is weird. My eyes are really wide open and I am really good at staring. I've written on 9 peoples walls and updated my status. I am getting shit DONE!
Friends don't let friends drunk sleep in the dorm common room
I have not brushed my hair. I'm wearing a yoga hoodie. I look like I slept in a gutter somewhere. Today is going to be a good day.
Fucking adderall I just talked at the security guard for 90 minutes
That reminds me of the morning I woke up on the sidewalk covered in chicken wings
Dude in the stall next to me shitting and sobbing. Dude another stall over, "Come on bro, you gotta loosen up." This is why I don't shit in public.
Act your age.
I am. I'm acting like a drunk 20 year old.
Randomize
