I seriously wish I was FB friends with her
So how gross is it that Woopie Goldberg has a vagina? She's like the exact opposite of a boner....
I need to remember that good judgment goes out the window after the 7th shot and the 3rd Lady GaGa song.
I am officially out of liquor stores within a 15 mile radius that don't recognize me as soon as I walk in the door.
they just started filling water ballons with vodka.
on my way.
I kept reassuring him that I was easy like Sunday morning, not easy like "I've had 6 shots of tequila and haven't had sex in three months"
Depending upon how the Sox game progresses, I'll either cry on the bar or fuck someone tonight...
I was more than drunk as hell I have rug burn on my elbows from ninja roles on the ground..
Because I can't get laid, I'm day-drinking and hunting squirrels in the backyard. You can take the girl out of Montana...
So apparently we wrote "Lube Shopping" in Paula's diary on every friday for the rest on the year....
I AM COVERED IN FAKE BLOOD AND REAL CUM. I AM AWESOME
His penis contains the glue that keeps this relationship together.
I stirred my drink with a butcher knife. His roomate keeps giving me dirty looks
Like what do you want from me
Literally I woke up the other day and the girl part of me was like “GET CUFFED MOTHERFUCKER” and I went ham on tinder.
It's not even 8pm on a Friday and I've already got a guy to tell me how big his penis is. Watched anything good on Netflix lately?
Randomize
