Listen: if you or anyone else at work finds a starfish in a bowl, just leave it. It'll be gone by next week.
Better yet, if you find it can you put it in the mini-fridge in your office for safe keeping? Spanks.
And if it's going to get me in trouble, maybe just don't mention that I know anything about it.
We all need desperate help. Maybe we should just become a group of people who walk around town and shit in peoples air vents
I'm down.
Apparently oprah and I were in competition to see who's ass could get bigger this summer
Sunburnt clitoris. How do I deal with it.
Chick took off her bra in the middle of class cuz it was "too hot." How's going out of state feel now?
Did you write "I hope this gives you aids" on my box of capn crunch?
Life lesson today, a six foot hot guy I meet at a party CANNOT fit on my bike with me.
i'm sad. The beetle crawled away. I was only trying to get him stoned.
It's a piss down the stairs of the hotel kind of night
When we were all out of beer you took a bite out of the cardboard beer box and said "close enough."
I just realized that with the new snapchat update / emoji sticker thing I can now use easily use emojis to cover my boobs in nudes.
I don't need this shit right now. I just woke up covered in pistachios
She's the prison bitch to my Martha Stewart.
I'm sorry but it's something you and your A cups wouldn't understand.
I mean, it's good for a lot of things. Just not the inside of your vagina
Well neither is bbq sauce but I dont judge kinks
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