moral of the story: I'm going to stab everyone
9 of the 12 girls i had sex with in college are on facebook
it was an ugly road back then. i'm sure time hasn't been friendly.
I seriously just found a rose petal in my vagina.
I'm on my "fiiiiirrrst" glass of wine- the quotes mean it's the last of the bottle- so I really need you to pick up your phone so we can talk about this
Really? Uh ohh sounds like a double date with extra stripper funnnn
also, made a drinking game out of my birthday photos....drink everytime alcohol is in a photo. going through all 350 of them.
I've already dropped her on the ground of a crowded bar dancing , been incoherent drunk to the point i couldn't speak and came within 2 seconds all on separate evenings so at this point she should know what I'm about
A little boy in a bathroom stall just shouted "mom where's your penis?? Is it inside you?"
Hahaha she was way into you and you kept arguing about burritos. It was amazing.
Hey don't blame me, picking what flavor of condom to put on my dick is a very difficult selection process
I really don't know where my pants are, but that's not the problem. When are you going to unlock the door?
I'm serious-it was like trying to deep-throat a minivan.
Tune in tm morning for how to buy Plan B in a foreign country while coming down off ecstasy
She told me the only rule was that I couldn't cum on her Batman blanket.
She kept telling me that it pissed her off that i expect people to make out with me...then she made out with me. Win?
Randomize
