Seeya bye Latvian government! Whammy!
New moon trailer came on. Theater booed. I love these people.
headbutted the bartender, tried to bite the bouncer, and pissed on a cops shoes. and i still got laid. god, it's good to be home
Don't you ever say "drinking at 2" as if it's a bad thing again. I'm asking you as a friend here.
You know you stopped at a liquor store to prepare for a 12-year-old's birthday party, right?
Hey, i turned the toilet into a water fountain. Drink up.
Are you awake? Because I would like to know whether or not I should refrain from giving my evil laugh when I enter the apartment...
You'd be proud! I didn't lose my id this time... It got confiscated
You talked the cab driver into taking a shot from your flask at a red light because "Ray Charles would want him to"
Sometimes I think I'm witty and funny, and then I realize it 3pm and I'm drunk
All I remember from the concert was leaving in an RV full of middle aged people playing circle of death
Sometimes I just want to serenade his penis with cheesy 80s songs.
I have weed and a speedo - I don't need anything else.
I'm trying to fuck him and feed him. I don't understand why it isn't working.
I'm driving to work hungover. I feel like I got hit by a train and then drank that train too.
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