i either bought an eighteen year old girl or i'm engaged to her... i'm not quite sure
Great, now everyone thinks I've had giraffe semen in me
You don't understand, Single Ladies is like the Don't Stop Believing of the gay community.
i don't think my life will be extraordinarily more meaningful if i let him put his tongue in my butthole.
I realized we pick a president more often than I get a blowjob
She introduced herself as 'Ann the sober one.' Took me to a coat check and a lost and found. Then offered coffee and breakfast sandwiches. Turns out she's been paying her half of the electric bill running post-party operations.
I smell like I just crawled out of a bottle of champagne and landed on the floor of taco bueno.
She literally just changed his birthday. Overly attached girlfriend has nothing on her.
we found him passed out on the baseball field with two 40oz and wearing a tophat.
Where did he get the tophat?
Someone snapchat me a pic of you topless laying on the bar with Scotty pouring a bottle of tequila down your throat. IT'S NOT EVEN ELEVEN YET.
School starts next week
He has a burner phone just to send dick pics. It's revolutionary
You was so high that you insisted that you heard someone whistle, then you insisted they was trapped in the wall!
Anyway, it's clearly a shapeshifting vagina/AT-AT, which I never said I was SEXUALLY attracted to. Just that I liked it.
What color nail polish screams, "Either fuck me or get the hell out of my way"?
That 2-CB was ass.
You mean the asprin cut with pez?
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