Heard at work: Get out of my face before I cuntpunch you so hard your granddaughters have miscarriages. I love my job.
I'm moving there. Get me hired.
don't leave me alone with all the disney princess sluts
Internet sex stories have completely ruined the word sopping for me.
No its cool I don't even have to do anything he is rapping to one of the strippers. He is punishing himself enough.
I heard a loud ass thump and then I saw both dogs coming around the corner.... Without him. I went to check out what happened and the dogs apparently pulled him down onto his face, knocking him out.
These bathrooms are miraculous. I'd love to have sex in here. Wow. I've peed 5 times.
Today marks the 365th consecutive day of jerkin it. I couldn't have done it without you guys. #onlynewyearsresolutionaccomplished
I think Saturday night will always be a mystery to me, except for buying an excessive amount of birthday shots for everyone and yelling BIRTHDAY SHOTS before every shot.
Wow i don't think I've had to send this many texts apologizing for my behavior since high school...
We're like a dynamic duo.
Bisexual and Proud, Lesbian and Loud.
I totally OverDed on K2 last night. I felt like I was made of lead and then I had a panic attack.
I think there's a problem with society when I'm shopping for lingerie and I think "man some of these would make kickass shirts"
Rigtt?!
I just know what's gonna happen. I mean. I shaved my legs up to shorts length. But I'm leaving the rest as a sort of makeshift caution tape.
Concept: I never actually flirt with anyone, I'm just a bitch and some people find it endearing
Just bought 2 liters of wine and frozen waffles for dinner. Is this 30?
Randomize
