Dude, I woke up in the middle of the night and your room mate was just standing there at the foot of the bed, watching us sleep.. you don't remember me shaking the shit out of you to tell you this?!
This could explain the reason why I've been finding his clothing and keys scattered in random parts of my room..
AND THIS DOESN'T WORRY YOU?!
Steel Reserve is the RC Cola of alcohol. It's never ok.
he found you with your pants down, trying to straddle the urinal. no one should have to see their sister like that. ever.
we decided it was best to cut you off after we caught you trying to "baptize" my cat in the jungle juice
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We're in ER. He's high on morphine and I'm drunk. Gonna score some bed pans for jello shots.
Well idk about you but my nose is all recovered for the weekend.
And dont forget my 23rd birthday where with no underwear i crawled through the cage of the police car. Dont get drunk be fore you get drunk.
Thanks for gettin' me home, killa. Have no IDEA how I woke up pants-less on the bathroom floor at 4a.m. You're like a big, angry guardian angel.
My mascara kind of smells like tequila to me...Is this my body crying for help or asking for a shot?
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Tell me I'm the only person you know who could punch someone at the bar, get escorted out, smoke a cig with the cop who almost arrested me AND get the security guy who escorted me out to buy me drinks.
what better way to celebrate the birth of jesus christ than to get embarrassingly intoxicated and make poor decisions!?
I had a dream last night that I used a condom when I had sex. That's how I knew it was a dream
Do you want me to add this to the list of actions I will state at your intervention
I cannot handle Xanax... I just turned my computer on and I googled how to work YouTube
He just ate a tooth whitening strip...
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