Pls stop me from telling anyone else my broken blood-vessel + splint are "climax-related" injuries.
small problem..I have a major exam in the morning so I might have to go to the library after the party
so no drinking for you?
don't be silly
he texted me at 1 in the morning to ask if i wanted to come over and play in the snow with him
at least he gets points for a creative booty call
if you hear someone banging on your door early in the morning, it's me with some breakfast burritos, so don't be alarmed
yeah, i found the sharpie that everyone use to sign my tits last night. its dead.
if you do the accent, i'll wear the eyepatch
Man I'll cab it I'll be sloshed by then. There's turtles involved
If you don't get head tonight I will castrate you
Seriously. Castrate.
There are panties and mini bottles of Fireball in my purse. Except for the broken toe incident, I'd say last night was probably a success.
I would have dumped her already but between the 4 hr bjs and our shared love of enjoying thirsty Thursday naked while watching basketball I'd say its the best shot at love ill ever have
She is so graceful and lady-like, like a swan... On meth
Exactly. Stay back and unsubscribe from her
You thanked your mom for the gymnastic lessons so you could do a keg stand
Drunk level: ugly crying in the bar upon discovery of sweet tarts and not smarties.
Good new is, my parents are alive. Better news they will be in the hospital all weekend. Best news is im having a house party. All weekend.
Randomize
