Hahahaha do you think bella ever gave edward head?
Every night before bed, when I used to say prayers, now I just think to myself 'freshman sluts. Soon'
Defrosting my mini wheats in the microwave was a bad choice
Coffee flavored vodka sounded like such a good idea at the time. Now i never want to drink coffee again.
Looking at the victoria's secret website makes the ice cream I'm eating taste like sadness and obesity
no seriously he was fingering me like he was really really frantically looking for a song on his iPod.
Btw, just wanna point out that you've hooked up with two guys whose birthdays are today. Congratulations, you have a type!
just saw someone in just a bathrobe not even tied shut run to the bathroom with a facefull of cum. Someone had a good night
He's such a gentleman. He didn't even ask why my bra was flung on the seat of my car. He just took my snow brush, pushed it onto the floor and said, "Let's go I'm hungry."
We opted you as the sacrificial dick tonight. We need our patron cafe. Go make some moves.
I'm sitting on the toilet just to avoid my bosses look of disapproval
nothing out of the ordinary. you aplogized for having a spicy vagina and passed out
Just had a threesome for the second time in my life. I don;t even enjoy threesomes. Too much effort.
HOW DO THESE THINGS KEEP HAPPENING TO YOU?
When i was leaving for work this morning, i realized the neighbor was passed out drunk, with no pants, and a half eaten whopper on my lawn. Knowing that hey..we have all been there before.. i decided to give him a pillow and a blanket rather than wake him up.
Got upgraded to First Class and now I’ve got the whole Pacific Ocean to seduce the very hot gentleman sitting next to me!!! Door closing, wish me luck!
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