I think condoms have that nasty latex smell to remind you in the morning of how gross you are.
i'm sorry if your life is a sore subject
thanks for showing me a good time......and your penis a few times. Thanks especially for that.
Just when I thought this night couldn't get any worse, my dad sang and dedicated Sexual Healing to me at kareoke night.
MY DOG FOUND A BAG OF COKE ON THE SIDE OF THE ROAD!!!!!!!!!!!
AND ITS GOOD STUFF TOO!!!!!! AHHH!!!!!!
Just ordered an appetizer sampler to distract the fat chicks so we can escape
What do you think french fries on pizza would taste like?
i already know. Delicious. Use ranch.
Looking at an apartment in Houston. It's right beside my favorite bar and the zoo. Best or worst decision?
She insisted we fuck to Ludacris, not how I imagined popping her lesbian cherry would be. I tried delt and I liked it.
Whenever I'm hungover I try to stay in public as much as possible, hoping to be a cautionary tale to children. It's a public service, really.
I was telling everyone at the frat that they had to try the "fantastic refreshment" that was everclear, vodka and country time
You need to somehow incorporate the phrase "these hoes ain't loyal" into your best man speech.
I dipped out before he woke up, but I made sure to take the pizza with me.
Perfect. I'll put on my party clothes and write emergency numbers on my arm
You should've seen the look on the guys face when I demanded pho and a beer the second they opened. Obviously he doesn't understand hangovers
Randomize
