youve choked your chicken with your arm asleep and acted like it was some1 else right?
You left a skid on my bar stool!!!!
Oops! Sorry about getting stool on your stool!
You wouldn't know anything about the tooth on ice in my freezer would you?
His penis is literally smaller than my cell phone. I can't go out like that.
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my head gets it he sucks but my LAME FUCKING HEART IN MY VAGINA doesnt
I just debated creating a mirror system so I could play Batman while in the bathroom. I think I need help.
I already knew that. But I also don't agree with stifling creativity.
Indoor beer darts at Rafs just turned into a trust exercise of putting your hand on the wall and closing your eyes while the other throws.. Almost gave Cale a Tracheotomy
You just yell-acapella'd the theme to fresh prince of bel air to me while a different song is playing in the bar.
I feel like I should pray to the god of Febreze, because it is like it washes away the smell of all my sins from the bed
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DID YOU DO SOMETHING WITH THE DEAD ROACH IN THE KITCHEN? OR DID IT LAZARUS?
Crust to egg proportion prescribes to a pedantic form of quiche. It's like saying breakfast pizza isn't pizza at all.
just so it's not awkward when you get here, you and my dog have the same name.
Hahaha nice
I left him naked in his bed. I did cover his junk with a blanket in case his roommate walked in later though. so I don't feel as bad about it.
Turns out my mom didn't really want to know I was in a new dimension last night from smoking so much.
He’s exactly what I’m looking for: he’s got a broken heart, a working penis and a new boat!!!
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