I smelled like jager and penis. The only cure was a pack of camels and plan b.
I'm going to take the bottles back.. And maybe get an x-ray
I am unfriending an ex-one night stand because his profile picture is of his wife's ultrasound.
I have decided today is drunk costume day. That is, i woke up still drunk and found costumes all over my floor. Heck yes. This is happening. Come over. Drink.
drunken yoga. on the beach. senior week. you have been chosen <3
Dude...that line about her giving me a blowjob to get rid of her hangover actually got rid of her hangover. Spread the word.
Did i actually sleep there? Or did i just get sand everywhere?
I don't think anybody else enjoys making out with multiple guys on the same night as much as I do. I'm like a wine taster but with lips... it's like art to me. The bruise on my upper lip is proof of it
The night went downhill when he lit her purse on fire and tried putting it out with vodka
But I aced my quizzes. Apparently flash card beer pong is an acceptable form of studying.
when the repo soundtrack came on in the middle of us having sex i realized it was about time that i clear out my itunes library
You peed in the sink and kept shouting "I'm the black swan! Ca-caw!"
Sexting gets boring after a while. I'm eating a sandwich right now and googling 'sexting ideas' and just copy/pasting lines.
It's a good sandwich though.
I seriously just had to blow dry my thong.
The bouncer just called me magically delicious... apparently I'm a lucky charm. hollllleeeerrrr!
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